There's a danger in freelancer–client friendships that one party will offer or expect more from the collaboration than they should. Three rules can help you guard against these possibilities and always put the project first.
As a freelancer, can you be friends with your clients without causing harm to your projects or setting yourself up for relationship headaches? During my 15 years as a freelancer, I've managed dozens of freelancers and worked with dozens of clients – so I've seen things from both sides. In this time, I've naturally grown to call both suppliers and clients friends. I've therefore sometimes needed to carefully consider how to handle freelancer–client friendships while continuing to put the project first.
My conclusion is that, as a freelancer, you definitely can be friends with your clients without causing damage to your projects or the working relationship. But the situation puts three essential responsibilities on you and the client.
We'll get to my three rules for freelancer–client friendships below. First, let's think more broadly about how these friendships emerge, including why they can be a problem.
Why do freelancers become friends with their clients?
In the editing world, we're a pretty friendly and collegial bunch – the word 'edibuddies' has become commonplace among editorial freelancers for a reason! Obviously, just as employed people form friendships over the (proverbial) water cooler, freelancers form friendships through social media, professional organizations and networking.
Nowadays, though, the distinction between freelancers and clients can be blurred. Many clients can themselves be freelancers (I am a freelancer who both contracts and is contracted by freelancers). So there isn't always the same sense of hierarchy and separated status that there is in a traditional client–freelancer relationship.
And, of course, sometimes freelancers and employed clients just hit it off. When people work together closely or over a long stretch of time, it's natural for the conversation to drift into more personal territory.
Do you have to be friends with your clients as a freelancer?
No, of course not. You absolutely can (and many people do) argue that freelancers should never be friends with their clients. But it would be ludicrous to argue that they must.
Just as your clients may not want a friend-type relationship with you, you may choose to keep your business relationships purely professional. Depending on the number of your clients and how long your relationships with them tend to last, it might even be impractical to form friendships with any of them.
And nobody who is serious about being in business should be using it as a way to make friends (with their clients, at least). That kind of relationship with clients is always secondary (if it exists at all).
But, in my experience at least, friendships between clients and freelancers do arise. While the vast majority of my client and supplier relationships are largely professional, there are a few where a genuine kinship has sparked and grown into a long-term personal correspondence.
The 'benefits' to being friends with your clients
A cynical person might argue that there are many benefits to being friends with your clients: better pay, more relaxed deadlines, better terms... ick.
It's exactly that kind of mentality that I want to warn against in this post (we'll get to my rules below). That kind of mentality is a terrible, terrible way to think about any business relationship.
So, I'm not going to argue that there are any benefits to being friends with your clients. But there are certainly benefits to being friendly.
People who are on friendly terms are more likely to experience psychological safety, which I've argued is a powerful way to improve a project's outcomes.
According to a survey (of employees) reported by Business News Daily, having friends at work boosts creativity and productivity. It also reduces turnover, which in the freelance world may translate to longer-term working relationships.
I have personally seen how a little informality and humour can cut through a problem, more quickly revealing the solution.
The risks of being friends with your clients
But psychological safety, creativity, productivity, longevity, informality, humour and problem-solving clearly occur in non-friendships too. And it's easy to make the case for friendships being more harmful than beneficial to client–freelancer relationships.
Friends may find it harder to hold each other to appropriate professional standards and set sensible boundaries. The relationship may become unbalanced, with one side getting more out of it than the other. And there is a risk that the project will become secondary – just something that happens in the background of your friendship.
The result can be frazzled wellbeing and suboptimal project quality.
The three rules of freelancer–client friendships
High-performance leader Martin G Moore argues that 'strong, connected and caring' relationships can still occur with professional distance, and that friendships can damage objectivity.
The objectivity point is key, and it's one that I've needed to consider over the years. I've concluded that there are three main responsibilities that are crucial when a client–freelancer relationship becomes (or threatens to become) a friendship: the freelancer's to the client, the client's to the freelancer, and their joint responsibilities to the project.
1. For freelancers: your responsibilities to the client
If you're a freelancer, your relationship with the client is a balancing act: you both want to get the benefits of the friendly relationship, but always retaining a strict distinction between your status as friends and your status as professional collaborators.
When I'm communicating with a client-friend, I always try to keep at the back of my mind, 'Would I say this to or ask this of another (non-friend) client?' This is particularly important when negotiating schedules, costs and scope: never, at any point, should there be any question of you getting preferential terms because of your friendly relationship. It is your responsibility as the freelancer not to put your client in a position where they feel pressured to offer you anything they wouldn't offer to another freelancer who is offering them the same skills and service level.
Your other main responsibility is to make clear that you expect your client to enforce the same standards with you as they do with their other freelancers. For example, when appropriate, I am careful to give client-friends openings to say they want me to do something differently or even point out a mistake I've made. It is vital to make this sort of shared learning a normal part of your day-to-day relationship with your client-friend.
2. For clients: your responsibilities to the freelancer
The client's responsibilities generally mirror the freelancer's. But there is a particular concern that I've been aware of over the years when I've been on the client side of the relationship: the need to balance generosity and caution.
As a client, when you're offering terms (money, time, scope) to freelancers who are also your friends, the obvious temptation is to be too generous. However, if you're aware of this possibility, you might over-correct and be miserly out of fear of being seen to give a friend an advantage. To find a balance, it's important to consciously compare (using data – e.g. pay rates or turnaround times) how you're treating your freelancer-friends and other freelancers you work with.
More generally, too, as the client, it's important to remember that you inevitably have seniority in the relationship. Take care not to overestimate your freelancer-friend's ability to be honest with you when you make requests that go beyond the standard scope of the work.
Finally, don't forget to share feedback with your freelancer-friend, both good and bad. Honest feedback is a gift (as I've said here) and you should never shy away from giving bad feedback or take a good job for granted.
3. For both: your joint responsibilities to the project
It can be easy, especially when a project is in a phase when the author isn't directly involved, for client and freelancer to feel like they exist in their own world. This can be productive and enjoyable (and it should be!). But, in any editorial relationship, it's important to look beyond the shared collaboration.
Ultimately, your responsibility is to the project. This means thinking about:
- the author (whose work it is)
- anybody with a financial interest in the project (such as the publisher)
- the intended audience (the readers).
Nothing you do should unreasonably damage their need or desire for the project to be completed to the agreed quality standard, on time and on budget.
Can freelancers and clients be friends without damaging the project?
Yes, freelancers and clients can definitely be friends without damaging the project. I would call some of my clients friends and I'm pretty sure some of my suppliers would call me theirs, but I don't believe this gets in the way of my work – I hope the consistently good feedback I receive testifies to the quality of the projects I deliver.
But the friendship should always be secondary to your professional relationship. And both parties should rigorously guard against the friendship being used (inadvertently or not) to gain a benefit that they shouldn't have. The project always comes first.
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